searching..

..for something more deep and meaningful. More than words, lyrics. Im searching for something that means something more to me, something that i know is true when its spoken because its spoken from the heart. I dont know where it is or where i'll find it. Its there waiting to be offered to me, without the cloak of half meanings and half promises. The look in an eye that is pure. The look that transports you straight through into that persons soul and to the child within because what they say is SO pure. So right. So honest. Before life and age changed them. Jaded their outlook. Made them afraid of change and the adventure of something new. Whether thats a jump into a muddy puddle with a new pair of wellies, or the adventure of a path unknown. Becuase its safer to stay as they are rather than look at what they can become. Im searching for the movie. Where others look and wish they had what i had..or just sigh because what they see is so wonderful they aspire to it and know themselves that it is attainable. To not fear anything. To smile and to feel everyone around you wants to smile too because you make them feel like anything is possible.

Why does everything become so much of a challenge now we're older? When we're teenagers we dont give a seconds thought to changing lanes. I dont have anything left to lose now, but why do I feel more fearful being older, even though i'm so strong and independent? I dont understand why I feel emboldened and yet I shy from the lights of challenge.

I understand less and less the older I become.